Lost in the Darkness
by Lady Papi
Summary: Angel's past, prequel to Angel and,chapter 3 up, rating for language and violence in later chapters, R
1. Little Sister

A/N:The promised fic of Angel's past, starts around the middle of his sophomore year of high school and goes to when Bella finds him on the sidewalk in front of Rainbow Connection and offers him a job as a professional drag queen, maybe a little farther, chappie one is Angel admitting to himself and his family that he's gay.  
  
Disclaimer:I don't own Angel, but the story is mine as are Angel's family, well there personalities, anyway.  
  
Lost In the Darkness  
By Me  
  
Angel stood in front of the full length mirror hanging on the inside of his closet door. How appropriate, he thought, the mirror's in the closet and so am I. Angel stared at his reflection for a long time, mouthing the words, before working up the courage to say them out loud, because saying it out loud made real. He wasn't sure he was ready for it to be real yet. He looked at his bedroom door, making sure it was still closed, listening for the tell-tale sign that his little sister was out there listening, silence. Reassured, he turned back to the mirror, looking at himself he said aloud,"I'm gay." Well, that wasn't so bad, he thought, so he said it again,"I'm gay."  
  
Turning from the mirror, he decided it was time to tell someone else, but who? His mom? His dad? His sister? One of his friends? He decided his sister was the best shot, because if she reacted badly he could play it off, like it was a joke testing her gullibility.  
  
He stuck his head out of his bedroom door,"Luci, donde estas?" He knew that speaking Spanish would have her there in thirty seconds or less, because Angel only ever spoke Spanish to his sister if it was important. Angel was right, Luci was there in 23 seconds.   
"What is it, Angel?" She asked looking a little worried.  
  
"Come in, I need to tell you something." Angel said, opening the door wider do the fourteen year old could come in. "I really don't know any other way to say this, so I'll say it straight out," he began, nervous. "Luci, I'm gay,"he blurted.  
  
She looked at him and smiled, she said,"I know, I was waiting for you to admit it to yourself." She folded him in a hug that only a sister knows how give. "Now, the only problems are our parents. You know they won't accept this, especially Dad. Angel, they'll probably throw you out, or beat you, or something horrible." She was truly worried about her sixteen year old brother. What would happen if their parents found out.  
  
Downstairs a door closed, their mother's voice floated up the stairs,"Luci, Angel, I'm home. Are you guys here?"  
  
"Yeah, we're here, Mom," Angel called to her, then to Luci he said,"Well, this is where we find out Mom's reaction."  
A/N: Hate it? Love it? Shall I continue? 


	2. Mom, Dad, And Blood

A/N:thank you Angel of the First Degree, and Presto, this one's a little violent, and there's bad language.  
  
DISCLAIMER:Don't own, don't sue, I have no money.   
  
Lost in the Darkness  
  
Angel and Luci made there way down the stairs to greet there mother, and so Angel could tell her what he knew he had to. The sixteen year old Angel was (pardon the expression, heard it from my grandma) as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. He took the last step and saw his mother standing in the doorway to the kitchen, smiling at him and his sister. They each gave her a hug and a kiss, like they always did when she came home from work. Luci, sensing that Angel wanted to be alone to tell their mother his little secret, made up an excuse about having to call one of her friends and escaped to her room. Angel walked past his mother and sat at the table.  
  
"Mama," he said, nearly whipering,"I gotta tell you something."  
  
His mother became concerned, and sat next to him,"What is it, Angel baby,? You know you can tell me anything."  
  
He looked at her, the tears welling up in his eyes as he said softly,"Mama, I'm gay."  
  
She looked at him, trying to decide if he was kidding. By the look on his face she knew that he wasn't. She would never have guessed that her little boy was gay, she became angry. "What the fuck do you mean, you're gay?" she yelled at him, trying to keep herself from hitting him.  
  
He looked at her, the tears beginning to slip down his cheeks, he whispered,"I'm sorry, mama. I like boys. I never meant to upset you, but you had to know."  
  
She stood up from the table, clenching her fists. She screamed,"You never meant to upset me! How the hell am i supposed to feel when my only son tells me he's gay?!" With that she brought her hand up, and slapped Angel across the face.  
  
At that point Angel's father was just coming in the door from work. He heard the slap, and Angel crying, begging his mother to forgive him. It must be bad, she's never laid a hand on either of them, he thought. He walked throught the swinging doors into the kitchen, Angel was sitting at the table crying, holding his face, his mother was standing with her back to him, her shoulders shaking as if she were crying.  
  
"What's going on?" Angel's father asked.  
  
Angel's mother turned, seeing her husband, she pointed an accusatory finger at Angel, and, as loud as she could, screamed,"Your fucking son is gay!!" And she fled from the room.  
  
Angel looked at his father, the tears still sliding down his reddened cheeks, he said,"It's true, papa."  
  
His father's demeanor changed, lightning quick. He strode across the kitchen, grabbed Angel by the collar with one hand, and punching him with the other, the whole time screaming insults and obscenities at the frightened and bleeding Angel.  
  
"Papa, please,"Angel begged, praying that his father would come to his senses before he killed the terrified child.  
  
Hearing his son's voice, "papa" realized what he was doing, he let go of Angel's shirt and screamed,"Get the fuck out of my sight, you little faggot!"  
  
Angel, nearly blinded by the blood that was pooring into his eyes, ran up the stairs and into his room. Luci was sitting on his bed, waiting for him. She jumped off the bed and wrapped her arms around her brother when she saw his face.  
  
"Oh, Angel," she whispered, before running to the bathroom to get a wet washcloth, so she could clean up his face. She didn't know how to make it better, she did the only thing she could think of, she wrapped her arms around the sobbing Angel, and let him get it all out.  
  
For the next few weeks Angel avoided his parents as well as he could, he would see his parents occasionally, they refused to even acknowledge his presence. Until, one day, he was home alone with his father, and decided to break the silence.  
  
"Papa, we have to talk."  
  
"We do not, leave me alone. You are not my son, don't call me 'papa'."  
  
Angel let the tears fall and yelled,"I am so your son. You have to either acknowledge me or get rid of me, but no matter what I will always be your son!" He fled from the room, terrified that his father was going to beat him like he had the first day he had outed himself.  
  
It went on like this for the almost a year, except that there were beatings, too. Angel's seventeenth birthday came, and all he got was a severe beating from his father. This was what made Angel deicide to leave. He had two very large problems, though. He had no money, and nowhere to go. About a month later Angel received the worst beating he had ever gotten, and the courage to leave. He decided to go to New York City, center of the universe.  
  
A/N: Am I evil to leave it like that. Next chapter coming soon, if you want it. 


	3. Time To Go

A/N: Chapter 3, yay, go me. Angel somehow gets the money to go to New York*evil grin* This chapter is pretty violent at the beginning, it's about the day mentioned in the last chapter about Angel finally getting the courage to leave. Poor Angel, never gets a break from my twisted little mind.  
  
DISCLAIMER:Angel isn't mine, RENT isn't mine, if there were any justice in the world they would be, but they're not.  
  
Lost in the Darkness  
By Me  
  
Angel closed the door quietly as he came in from school, praying that his father wasn't home already. He listened for any sign that his father was there, ar that any one was there. Silence.  
  
"Thank God,"he whispered to himself as he climbed the stairs to his room. He had just gotten his bedroom door open when he heard the door slam and a very panicked girl screaming his name. Angel ran as fast as he could down the stairs, yelling,"Luci, what is it? What's wrong?"   
  
He stopped halfway down the stairs, seeing his sister struggling against the firm grip of their father's hand on her shirt. He was screaming in her face,"You're just like your fucking brother, a fucking disgrace to my family! You're nothing but a little fucking whore!"   
  
Luci was struggling, in vain, to get away from her father, she pleaded,"Papa, please, let me go. I wasn't doing anything, I swear I wasn't."   
  
He shook her, hard, and kept screaming,"When girls hang out with boys in that neighborhood it's only for one reason! Because they are fucking sluts!"   
  
Angel got mad, he stepped in front of his father and said,"Papa, leave her alone. Don't let your anger and hatred toward me drive you away from your daughter."   
  
Angel's father backhanded him and bellowed,"What the fuck do you know about raising children, you little cock-sucker?!"   
  
Angel held his cheek and whispered,"I know enough to know that no matter what happens you should never treat your children like this."   
  
He yelled, no words, just a bellow of rage that has gotten out of control. He let go of his daughter, who collapsed against the door, then turned on his son. He raised his fist and swung, making contact with Angel's left eye, it swelled shut almost immediately. He beat Angel until the terrified child could no longer stand, then the older man, still bellowing his rage kicked Angel until his legs were almost numb. Angel was uncious by the time his father stopped kicking him, so he didn't see his mother walk in the door, see her son laying on the floor, her daughter crying behind the door, and her husband standing over the bleeding Angel, still fuming.   
  
His mother got pissed and screamed,"What the Hell did you do? Are you trying to kill him? Get the fuck out of my house!"   
  
Luci was trying desperately to wake Angel up, and failing. Angel's father walked out the door still cussing about his faggot son and whore daughter.   
  
Luci looked at her mother with absolute hatred in her eyes and said in a soft voice,"Mama, you should have done that months ago, when Papa first started beating on him. Now he might die because you didn't have the courage to stand up for him. Or, maybe this is what you wanted, to have Papa kill Angel, then have Papa thrown in jail, or at least out of the house. All Angel did was love you guys enough to tell you the truth, and this," she pointed at the still unconcious Angel,"is how you repay him. You always told us that honesty was the best policy. Well, where did it get Angel? Dead, or damn close, and it almost got me beat up, too. Papa found me with a bunch of my friends and asked if there were any girls in the group, I told him the truth, there aren't, he drug me back here and probably would have beat the Hell out of me, if Angel hadn't interfered." Luci stopped talking and waited for her mother's reaction. She watched as one tear slid down her mother's cheek and she left the rooom, leaving Luci and Angel alone in the foyer.   
  
Luci again tried to wake her brother, with better luck this time, Angel stirred and moaned, trying to pull himself up. Luci forced him back on the floor and went to call an ambulance for her badly beaten brother. When the ambulance arrived Angel was out on the front steps waiting, he was still bleeding badly. The EMTs took one look at Angel and got a pretty good idea what had happened to him. Angel put himself on the gurney, let the EMTs check him out, and agreed to go the hospital. At the hospital, the doctor told him that he had to stay over night for observation, and that his parents were there and wanted to see him.   
  
"Only my mother, please,"Angel begged the doctor. The doctor agreed and left the room.   
  
Angel's mother entered a couple minutes later and said,"Hi, baby. How are you?"   
  
Angel stared at his mother, wondering if she actually cared how he was. He decided to tell her anyway,"The doctor says that I'll be fine, that I was lucky I didn't have any broken bones, or internal bleeding. They want me to stay overnight so they can keep an eye on me."   
  
His mother smiled sadly and said,"Angel, honey, that's wonderful that you'll bo okay, but you can't come home tomorrow. Your dad doesn't want you there, he thinks you're becoming a bad influence on Luci, and I agree with him."   
  
Angel stared in disbelief. He was a bad influence on the fourteen year old girl? All he had done was try to keep their father from beating her up, too. "Is she okay? Did he hurt her?"Angel asked.   
  
"Luci's fine," his mother replied, then,"She's gone to stay with your aunt, Lydia."   
  
"Good, she doesn't need to be around that psychopath," he said, then the realization struck him,"Wait a minute. If she's gone to stay with Aunt Lydia, why can't I come home?"   
  
"Well, honey, your father and I don't really want you there anymore. You're making life unbearable for all of us, especially your sister."   
  
"NO!" he yelled, then quieter,"Luci, knew I was gay before I told her, and she accepted it. She's the only one that continued to treat me like a person after I told you and Papa," then came the realization that no matter what he said his mother wouldn't give in, so he decided to go with it,"All right, fine, you and Papa don't want me there, so I'll leave. Just take me home tomorrow so I can pack some stuff, then I'll be out of your lives forever."   
  
His mother looked like she wanted to throw a chair through the window,"Angel, baby, I don't want you out of my life forever, just out of my house until I can get your father to calm down."   
  
Angel pretended to be tired, his mother left, and he opened his eyes as well as he could, considering that they were swollen almost completely shut. He stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours before he actually fell asleep. The next morning, his mother was there to pick him up at 9 o'clock. They drove the ten miles back to the house in silence, when they arrived Angel grabbed two suitcases out of the hall closet and went to his room to pack. He spent the entire time he was packing in an almost panic. Where was he going to go? How would he get there? How would he survive? He had pulled everything out of his closet and was sorting through it all when he found one of his guilty pleasures, a black leather mini-skirt that he had gotten from one of the other gay boys at school. He wondered how bad it would have been if his father had known about the skirt. He almost laughed at the thought of his father knowing that his son was into drag. He sobered immediately when thoughts of his current situation came back to him. He finished packing and went to find his mother and tell her goodbye. She was in her bedroom with the door locked, and refused to open it. Angel went down stairs, and saw his mother's purse on the coffee table, the thought that crossed his mind sickened him, but it was the only way that he would be able to get somewhere and make sure that he didn't starve to death. He opened his mother's purse and pulled out her wallet. Opening the wallet, he found over three hundred dollars, his mother had gotten paid the night before. Without even really thinking about it, Angel grabbed the bills and stuffed them into the pocket of his jeans. Next, he rummaged through his father's desk in the den, trying to find his Aunt Lydia's phone number. He found it exactly where he knew it would be, he scribbled down the number and address, stuffed the paper into the same pocket as the money, and left the house, knowing that he would never return. He never looked back.  
A/N:Does it suck? Should I continue? Review please, and as always, Angel of the First Degree, thank you for the support and advice. Thanks, and much love to all who have read and reviewed. 


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